


Pining

by fanyoursolarsystem



Category: Dream Daddy
Genre: F/F, Fluff, Happy Ending, completely self indulgent
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-11
Updated: 2018-07-13
Packaged: 2019-05-21 02:03:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 3,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14906321
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fanyoursolarsystem/pseuds/fanyoursolarsystem
Summary: Angelica Flores just wants a quiet life. At her age, at this time in her life, she feels like she deserves it. She has enough to think about-- her two kids, planning the next years' worth of library programs for her communities' children... who can focus on love? After her divorce, all she wanted was to settle down, quietly, in her old hometown. But when she starts getting more involved in the community, she finds that maybe love isn't so far away from her grasp.





	1. Just Between You and Me

**Author's Note:**

> A little self indulgent, a little romantic, I hope you enjoy. (My first attempt at a story in about eight years, so criticism welcome). 
> 
> All novels mentioned in this work are real and available at your library.

Just between you and me, it has gotten easier. It can still be difficult to begin, though.

“Does the library have any teen books featuring Asian gay - er, or bi? - girls?”

Angelica looked up from her email, slightly startled at the voice. She didn’t realize school had let out yet. The girl in front of her desk couldn’t have been more than thirteen. Her black bangs hung a little long, hiding her eyes but Angelica could see the girl’s dark brown eyes staring back at her intensely. Her fingertips were coated with chipped blue fingernail polish. The gold skin of her hand turning slightly white as she gripped the edge of Angelica’s desk.

The question was whispered, but not frantic, or scared. Just curious. So it was a shock, really, a blessing. Angelica couldn’t help but smile, and maybe the smile may have turned her patron off (she had developed somewhat of a hasty reputation for having a resting bitch face that she couldn’t shake off), if not for the genuineness of her intent. Something lit inside her. This was the first time she was manning the teen fiction desk on her own but she was not deterred.

“Of course,” she said. The girl nodded quickly, grabbing a piece of scrap paper to write down any of the titles Angelica might find on the computer. So when Angelica got up from her chair, the teen looked at her waringly. Belpre got up from the floor besides Angelica’s feet, her floppy golden ears raising to attention as her owner grabbed her holster, and started to talk towards the stacks. Angelica hoped the girl would follow.

Thankfully, she heard quiet footsteps following quick behind her. 

“Not Your Sidekick,” Angelica started. The girl smiled so widely when Angelica pulled the first book off the shelf that she could see that one of her teeth were missing. “The main character is canonly bi. She scores an internship with a villian and falls head over heels for her fellow intern.”

“The Necessary Hunger features a gay basketball star,” Angelica noted the way the girl’s eyes lit up for future reference. Angelica motioned towards the graphic novel section and, at this point, the girl followed her excitedly. “And Skim is beautiful but deals with suicide and depression, so I’ll give you this with caution…”

Her professors would have chided her, slightly, lovingly, for taking too long helping her patron, but she almost couldn’t help it. What she would have done to have someone in her place when she was younger..

The three books were already on the brink of spilling out of the girl’s arms as Angelica started listing other titles off the top of her head - “(You) Set Me On Fire, Afterworlds… Ah, Melinda Lo? Maybe when you’re a little older...” before the girl laughed. 

“Can I write these down!” She said, winking down at Belpre who tilted her head in contemplation at the teenage girl. 

“Ah,” Angelica said, laughing at little at herself. Taking the piece of paper the teen took from her desk, Angelica wrote down the rest of the titles she could think of just as her coworker was coming back from lunch. With an arm full of books, the girl thanked her before walking towards a man holding onto his toddler’s hand. He chuckled loudly before taking the books from his daughter’s overwhelmed arms. He tried to balance them on his head, much to her delight.

“What books did you get today?” he asked her. Angelica watched as the trio headed towards the towering front glass doors, leaving her in the teen section surrounded by high schoolers playing Sixty Seconds to Save the World in groups.

She must have distracted from the game. A boy in an orange hoodie asked “Can I help you?” a little unkindly. He gave Belpre a weird look of disbelief as she straightened her back, a blush on her cheeks. She was still getting used to the neighborhood’s kids. At least the boy wasn’t joking about using the cards to smoke something Angelica pretended not to hear.

Her coworker was watching her, curious, so she headed towards her. She opened her mouth to speak, but Angelica just smiled, making her hesitate. A patron walked up with a board game just then, interrupting the possible conversation.

“Can I help you count the cards?” Angelica asked. Her coworker smiled at that. 

Angelica counted 3-D game pieces shaped like trains while her coworker counted little bags of gold. The patron was considering checking out another board game, asking someone on the phone what he wanted to check out.

The patron checked out two games, then, telling the two of them that he and his husband were looking forward to playing Here, Kitty Kitty with their youngest, and Settlers of Catan with their oldest. The front desk was collecting cans to gift to a local food back in exchange for reduced fines. Random chords from an ukulele were drifting across the hall from the children’s library section. An older couple walked past the desk, hand in hand, deep in conversation, about how, years ago, the man used to play the ukulele, too, “Don’t you remember?” Cheers and groans erupted from the teen section Angelica just left, before someone chided his friend for knocking over the pieces in anger.

Belpre laid her head in Angelica’s lap for support, brown eyes looking up at her in wonder.

It was the first time Angelica really felt like she was back home.


	2. Blackout Poetry Submission

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember: don’t punish yourself.

~~And~~ **I** ~~can sort of~~ **remember the way** ~~Ms. Stevenson looked at me, as if she were trying to get inside my head.~~  
**She put her hands on my shoulders** ~~again, still looking at me the same-- looking right into me.~~  
**And** ~~she~~ **said--**  
~~Ms. Stevenson said--~~  
~~“Liza, Liza, forget about our jobs; forget that for now. This is the thing to~~ **remember** : ~~the very worst thing for Kah and me would be to be separated from each other. Or to be so worn down, so guilt-ridden and torn apart, that we couldn’t stay together. Anything else…”~~  
“ ~~Anything else is just bad,” said Ms. Widmer. “But no worse than bad. Bad things can always be overcome.”~~  
~~“You did nothing to us,” Ms. Stevenson said gently.~~  
~~“If you two remember nothing else from all this,” Ms. Widmer said, “remember that. Please. Don’t--~~ **don’t punish yourself** ~~for people’s ignorant reactions to what we all are.”~~  
~~“Don’t let ignorance win,” said Ms. Stevenson. “Let love.”~~

~~~~—Anonymous Submission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Might start publishing biweekly. One chapter a week seems really slow to me. We’ll see.
> 
> The blackout poetry Submission is a page from Annie On My Mind.


	3. Second Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There is so much to figure out.

She knew Sugar wasn’t happy by the way she slammed her car door shut. She especially knew Sugar wasn’t happy because she insisted that she was fine.

Even an hour spent in a small truck isn’t easy. Angelica knew this. She tried to appease her the best she could with music and silence, rather than try and fail in comfort.

Sugar and Carmen’s other mother hadn’t even said goodbye. She tried to not feel hurt for her daughters. She tried not to think about her ex during a time like this. Not now. Later.

Massachusetts will be better, she wanted to say again to lighten the mood. Maple Bay High School has a great math and science program. You’ll gain better friends. People are more accepting up there.

You’ll get snow.

She tried that last one on her last night to gauge her reaction. Sugar hummed and quickly got up from her seat to put her dish in the sink .

Snow.

Cozy sweaters her grandmother made her. Piping hot coffee she drank to pretend to be cool but just burned the top of her mouth in front of her crush. Her crush’s blue eyes as she leaned in and kissed her underneath the streetlamp in front of her house…

Well. Going home was better than staying behind here, she thought. Back with the memories of a failed relationship, two daughters heartbroken and crying waiting for a simple phone call, her boss tilting her head and nodding in fake sympathy while Angelica tried to explain why she needed Belpre by her side.

At the red light, Angelica turned and saw Belpre looking up at her with her pure brown eyes. Maybe she should have made Sugar sit up front with her after all. Even an hour feels like eternity when left in silence.  
________________________

Finding the perfect house was difficult but the journey was worth it. Angelica loved her parents, she really did. And she was thankful that they let her, her daughters, and Belpre stay until she had things figured out.

There was so much to figure out.

She had those moments where she couldn’t help but wonder… was this the right thing to do? She understood now why people stay in marriages that aren’t good for them. The security, the knowledge that you don’t have to do it alone. Letting Sugar and Carmen have another parent to lean on, moral support, sometimes, if you will.

But staring at the ceiling of her old childhood room (had she really loved pink this much? She couldn’t fathom ever loving something so much that she wanted to cover her whole room in it from floor to ceiling), she felt good. The bed was lonely sometimes. But then again, sometimes Sugar would sneak in and sleep next to her, her quiet snores lulling her to sleep.

She had a lot to be thankful for.

Her mother had been ecstatic to have “her girls” underneath one roof for longer than just visiting during the holiday season. It was kinda bizarre to look out her window and see the old school she used to go to, watching families play on the playground like they always had. Carmen asked her, quietly, during a lull in the night, what it was like to live here. She was blessed, she said, to have such loving parents. She was thankful, even now, for their continued blessings.

“Are we going to live here forever?” Sugar asked, laying on her back, rubbing her stomach after Angelica’s mother gave her a little too much to eat. She had read that lack of sleep and appetite may happen in a new environment, and was thankful that both of them seemed to be adapting alright so far.

“I have a surprise for you,” she said, leaning over to tuck a strand of errant hair behind Sugar’s ear.

Sugar perked up in surprise. “What is it!”

“I found a good place yesterday. It has a good sized backyard, and a patio for us to relax under the sun. It’s a new neighborhood but it’s only half an hour from our old place, so you can still keep your friends-” Carmen perked up at that. She didn’t want to leave her boyfriend behind, which she couldn’t entirely blame her. He was good to her. She looked down at Sugar and smiled.

“The nearest high school has a great theatre and science program. And there’s one more thing, one that will make the both of you very happy. You’ll just have to wait and see what it is tomorrow.”

Sugar was besides herself, wanting to know right away what it was. When straight out asking her what it was, she tried to be sly. When that didn’t work, she pouted.  
“Be patient, love. It’s worth the wait.”

And it was.

It was slightly bigger than the house the girls grew up in. As soon as they pulled up to the one story house, she could hear Carmen gasping a little in the backseat. She turned around in her seat, watching as Sugar leaned over Carmen to get a better look.

“So,” she said shyly. She rolled up her window and turned off the car. “What do you think?”

“Oh, Ma, look at the yard.”

She dreaded mowing it already but, really, it would be a blast in the winter. The steep slope would be a pain to pull out of the garage but it would be fun to slide down in the snow.

Halfway through her showing the two of them the backyard, Carmen interrupted her midsentence. “Wait, wait, wait. There are three bedrooms.”

Angelica couldn’t help but to smile as Sugar stopped in her tracks. “Wait, what?”

“There are three bedrooms. The masters and two other rooms.” she turned to Angelica with wide eyes. “Does that mean we get our own rooms?”

“That is a strong reason why I am considering this place,” she admitted. The girls barely let her leave after that.

The first thing she did was put Belpre’s bell on the door handle of the door leading out into the backyard. She immediately rang it, running outside to mark her new territory. She was still a dog after all. She turned to see Sugar and Carmen watching her from one of the new windows.

And that, as they say, was that.


	4. Become Someone Else

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All books mentioned are actual titles.

_Become Someone Else!_

_Pose with a book cover and become someone else! Tag your pictures with #mblbookface on instagram or twitter, or email your submissions to maplebaylibrarybookface@gmail.com_

_Submissions will be printed and showcased in the hallway leading to our cafe for the community to see! From [date] to [date] your submissions will be judged by the public and chosen based on how three categories: funniest, most clever, and the best fitting match submissions. The winner in each of these categories will receive prizes generously gifted from local businesses, such as the Coffee Spoon._

_We can’t wait to see you!_

Submissions:

Photo of Ashley Sing posing with Talking As Fast As I Can: From Gilmore Girls to Gilmore Girls, and Everything in Between by Lauren Graham

Photo of Angelica Flores posing with Marbles: Mania, Depression, Michelangelo, and Me, by Ellen Forney

Photo of Lucien Bloodmarch posing with The Undertaking of Lily Chen by Danica Novgorodoff

Photo of Carmensita Sella posing with Shadowshaper by Daniel Jose Older

Photo of David Lorino and Craig Cahn posing with Two Boys Kissing by David Levithan

Photo of River Cahn posing with We're All Wonders by R.J. Palacio

Photo of Amanda Lorino posing with Northanger Abbey by Nancy Butler

Photo of Robert Small posing with Pride and Prejudice And Zombies by Seth Grahame-Smith


	5. Exploration

June. Early June. Heat waves and sunny afternoons. Bright sunlight and comfortable grass between toes.

Angelica opened the window before falling back into bed. She had to get up. She tried to will herself to get up but, by failing to muster up the will, felt even more miserable. She laid in bed until noon, staring out the window, into the park, seeing people throw frisbees and watching dogs jumping and having a good time. Some days she wondered, why couldn’t she be one of them? She hoped the new antidepressants her psychiatrist put her on would kick in soon. 

The door opened behind her. Taking soft steps, one of her daughters climbed into Angelica’s bed, pressing her face into Angelica’s back.

Carmen groaned softly. “It’s hot in here.”

“I know, baby.”

“You haven’t left this room since last night.”

“I’m trying.”

“I know. I believe you. But it’s nice outside. Let’s go somewhere.”

Angelica sighed. Why? She didn’t really know anyone and her body was betraying her, willing her to stay in her cosy bed, where she knew it was safe. Her mind kept playing tricks on her, telling her that there was danger just outside her locked home. Cruel people and evil intentions. Too loud conversations. Her resting bitch face reputation haunting her.

She stopped herself. Took a deep breath and focused. Maybe she could trick herself. “Is there anywhere you want to go?” If Carmen and Sugar wanted to leave, she really couldn’t say no to that.

“I looked at the neighborhood online. There’s a coffee shop just down the street. High ratings. You’ll like the name of it, too.”

“What is it called?”  
“The Coffee Spoon.” Angelica closed her eyes and snorted. “It’s from some poem, right?” Carmen asked, knowing the answer. She performed the poem for extra credit for her English class last year. “I feel like I read it in school or something.”

“‘I have measured my life out in coffee spoons,’” Angelica muttered under her breath. 

Carmen hummed, sighing against Angelica’s back. “Yeah, something like that.”

“Well, then.” Angelica shifted onto her back, turning to look at Carmen. Her dark brown hair covered her face. “Anyone who gets you to remember T.S. Eliot sounds like a good person to buy coffee from. Let’s go.”

Seeing Carmen smile was enough to get her out of bed.  
__________________________________  
The sun felt good on Angelica’s skin. She sighed when she stepped out onto the front lawn, gripping the green grass with her toes. Carmen pulled on a wide brim hat and nodded at her. Sugar put a bookmark in her book and jumped up from the porch lawn chair. It was going to be a good day.

The Coffee Spoon was close enough to walk so they decided to stretch their legs. Sugar was telling them the plot of the latest book she was reading (Eleanor and Park.) (“Mom, have you read this?) and Carmen somehow managed to dodge getting smacked in the face with a frisbee while rather successfully texting her boyfriend Matthew on her phone. A few of the people in the park must have recognized her, which Angelica felt a little anxious about. Brian Harding waving at her, his little corgi running towards his daughter, Daisy, who loved books with autistic characters. The father of the girl who asked about gay asian young adult books running around the block with a toddler strapped to his chest. The boy in the orange hoodie looking sullen on a park bench. 

The Coffee Spoon was immediately comforting. Soft music plays in the background and people chat in comfortable looking chairs and couches. She recognized the man behind the counter, Mat Sella, his soft smile reaching his eyes when she placed a few bills in the tip jar for the T.S. Eliot reference. He tells her it’s one of his favorite poems. She can’t help but smile at that.

Carmen found a cosy little seat next to the window. Her eyes were glued onto her phone but, as Angelica had tried to explain to her ex countless times, Carmen simply liked e-books and audiobooks more than anything, so don’t take it away from her, don’t take it too personally. Sugar saw one of her classmates in the corner chatting near the stage. After Angelica asked her if she had her phone (stupid question, of course she did), Sugar ran off to join them.

She saw him from across the room, chatting with the man who was running around the park earlier this morning. She knew as soon as she saw his leather jacket. She can’t believe she was really seeing it, after all this time.

Picking up her black coffee, she walked towards him slowly. When she got closer, she saw that the man was the same one who walked in and checked out games from her all the time. A tall muscular woman sat besides him, her arm around the back of his seat. She was laughing, her smile reaching her eyes.

When she got right behind him, both of them looked up from Robert and gave her a confused look. She put a finger to her lips and leaned down next to his ear. “Well, hello, sailor.”

He turned around slowly to look at her. When he met her eyes, though, he was smiling his crooked smile. There was something comforting about it. She didn’t realize how much she missed it until she saw him again.

Pulling up a chair, she leaned her cheek against her hand, smirking at him. “Long time, no see. How is my Bobert?”

He snorted, taking a sip of his coffee. Black. No sugar. No cream. Same as always, his comforting continued presence. “You’re the only one who can call me that.”

“A pleasure.”

“You’re lucky.”

She shrugged, “I’ll take what I can get.”

He looked at her casually, taking a sip of his coffee as she pulled a seat next to him. She smiled at her old friend, and his eyes crinkled around the edges.

She was glad she left the house after all. Her therapist would be happy to hear that.


End file.
